Breaking up is hard to do

When I was starting off on my weight loss journey, I knew two things:  (1) I had to let go of certain foods (2) I had to change my lifestyle.

I have been a dessert lover my whole life.  I could polish off any cake in one night and not regret it.  For a McCain’s Deep and Delicious cake, I would start with one log type of slice on one end,  then go to a 2nd log, then 3rd log, then the logs would turn into rectangles and soon enough I would end on the other end.   Sometimes it could all go down in an hour.  Yeah… I had a problem.   I knew I had to break up – with desserts.

When I first decided to lose weight, I did it the old fashioned way.  I ate everything in moderation.  I was losing weight but it was slow.  I had lost 10 lbs and then I got stuck.  I had to do more.  One fine day, as part of the changes I was implementing (and to be a good environmentalist) I decided I would go from being Vegetarian to being a Vegan.  I told myself – there are tons of alternatives these days, I’ll be fine. Little did I know, even though there are many vegan alternatives, not all taste good and there are temptations everywhere. It was a test of my mental stamina  – especially when I would go grocery shopping … (cue ominous music).

Vegan Week 1:

My first time grocery shopping as a Vegan had been a week after I had  converted. I added all my vegetables to my cart and ventured to search for a vegan friendly bread.  I was hopeful and excited.  As I was walking towards the bakery section with my shopping cart in front of me,  I suddenly had to stop.  I felt punched – the smells of the cookies, cakes, cinnamon buns, cheese breads…. just hit me!  I had been a really good Vegan for that first week but in that moment, my first vegan grocery trip, standing in the middle of the walk way, I was weak in the knees.  All my week long discipline was ready to go out the window.  All those memories of my cake (log) eating days came back… I wanted all the baked goods I was smelling. I had lost control of my body; it felt possessed as it just walked itself over to the cakes table.  I found myself staring at these cakes I would never even consider eating before.  Because I was no longer allowing myself eating any desserts, I wanted to eat all desserts.  I wanted to take them all home with me.  I still remember, this was the conversation with myself…

• Can I have this? I can’t have this, it has non-vegan ingredients…it would be going against all the vegan principles
• Should I have it?  I shouldn’t have this, it would be bad for my weight loss… I would gain back that weight I’d lost.. it has eggs and cream
• Why cant I have this?  I was still losing weight even when I wasn’t vegan.  I don’t need to be vegan, I will eat a little bit at a time.

I was ready to quit veganism.   Just as I was ready to give up I thought I should try turning around.  If I couldn’t walk away in that one moment, I knew I would end up buying that cake.  I convinced myself to first slowly look away.  Once I peeled my eyes away,  I slowly turned my grocery cart around and took a u turn and stood with my back towards the cake table.  I took one step away from that table, then another and then another.  As I was slowly walking way, I started to walk really fast and left that area.  I chanted to myself  – I am vegan; I will not give up.   I didn’t enter the bakery section that day.

My fridge went breadless that week.

Vegan Week 2: 

Next time I went grocery shopping, I was more prepared for the smells.  I walked slowly towards the bakery section and when the smells arrived I said to myself out loud “its okay”.  I kept walking towards it knowing what I would experience.  Then my eyes landed on that cake table that tempted me last time.  While still dealing with the smells, I saw they had new types of chocolate cakes and then I found myself stuck there – again.

Now, you have to imagine, I’m standing there in the middle of the grocery store aisle staring at the cake.  This is happening on a Sunday when the store is packed with people who just wanted to get their groceries and get out.  All the other shoppers near me were saying excuse me as they tried to get around me while I just stood there in the middle with my grocery cart.   There were voices in my head that kept telling me no one will know if you buy that chocolate cake and eat it in the car.   I got a hold of myself to turn around and look away.

I couldn’t go into the bakery section that week either. I just turned around and walked away again – breadless.

I got my husband to pick up the bread.

Vegan Week 3: 

I knew I had to try again and overcome this temptation. My third time at the store, I stood on outskirts of the bakery section took a deep breath, did not look at the cake table and marched in.  I figured if I didnt look at it, I’d be fine.  I made it past that first table and congratulated myself.  I kept walking towards the breads (which of course is all the way in the back so have to walk past all the other dessert tables).  I didn’t think that there were other tables in the bakery section.  I found myself slowing down in front of tables with chocolate chip cookies, muffins, eclairs, cinnamon buns….  I think I must have had a sad look on my face when I saw these desserts because a lady paused, tapped me on the shoulder and asked me I was okay.  Considering that everyone in the world is usually busy with themselves, this kind person asked if I was okay.  Not knowing what to say, I nodded.

I wish I could thank her because in that moment I felt as though she had woken me up from a trance.  I realized my longing for desserts was a first world problem.  There are so many bigger battles to fight.   I  took another deep breath and pushed my cart past those tables and finally picked up my own bread – myself!

Being Vegan now:

After that week 3 successful grocery trip, I knew I couldn’t spend my time longing for desserts in the bakery section of the grocery store.  I had to figure out how to avoid these staring sessions I had with desserts.  I had to find other desserts that would satisfy my cravings and not let me feel deprived.  I did a lot of taste tests with tofu type desserts, expensive vegan bakery type cakes and fruit desserts.   I found ones that I like and  grocery shopping became easy peasy.   I usually satisfy my sugar/chocolate cravings with my replacement desserts while keeping true to my lifestyle changes.  I do not have the proclivity to make my own cakes.  I wanted something easy and equally satisfying as my cake days and here are some substitute choices I’ve landed on in no particular order – both processed and natural.

1. Madagascar Lindt chocolate – this is a dark chocolate with a rich taste that wraps around your mouth.  It is delectable and leaves this aftertaste that I relish with every inch of square I consume.  On days when I’m super tempted I end up eating 4 of these squares which makes me go over my calorie budget but its so worth it!
2. Salted Caramel So Delicious bars – These are made of cashews, coconut and caramel – and these are best for hot summer days.  This invention and combination has been the best discovery.  I end up eating 2 of these when its dessert days!
3. Dates and Cashews – this is a simple combination but the sweetness in the dates is the best ever with the cashews.   That bite into a hard cashew surrounded by a soft cashew is the most satisfying thing ever!
4. Grapes and Cashews – again another simple combination but this is a contrast to the dates.  This is my daytime dessert while the dates and cashews are my night time dessert.  If you combine green grapes with cashews they fill your taste buds with delight!
5. BC Blueberries –  This is a summer staple in BC.  I can eat a lot of blueberries at the height of summer.  I really shouldn’t but its hard to resist when they are all around all summer long.  Its natural and I can eat a lot of them at any time of the day.
6. Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies – These are hard to find in stores but they are easy to make at home.  I’ve come up with a couple of recipes on my own that I’ve enjoyed but I haven’t come up with the perfect one yet.  The testing continues and I’m having fun during the taste test.
7. Oreo cookies –  Yes, Oreo are vegan.  They are really bad for you if you are on a diet but they are so yummy when you want to cheat yourself.  I don’t buy these often but when I do I can’t stop.

These are just some of my favorites,  I’m open to add to this list if you have any you that would like to share.