Waking up to adulthood

Saying that I got along with my father would be a lie.  Despite our clashing personalities he gave me everything and anything I wanted.  He sheltered his family while spoiling us endlessly.  We just had to ask him for something and he would make it happen.  When he passed away, I was catapulted from living a life as a princess into life as an adult in reality.  I usually don’t think about the time he passed away, but sometimes my mind wanders in that direction.

I hadn’t been married long when he passed away.  I was still trying to figure out how to be a wife and live life as a couple.  When I got the news he passed away, I felt like someone hit pause on my life – abruptly.  I no longer had time to figure myself out.   I no longer had an umbrella – my life was all about sorting out the unresolved things my dad left behind.    I didn’t know anyone who had lost a parent before me so the whole experience was new.  I kept thinking, I should go to my dad for advice but that was impossible because he wasn’t around anymore.  Nothing was like the TV shows and movies where everything worked out – everyday was chaos in trying to piece everything together – What do we do with the house? How will we run the businesses?  Where do we live?  What do we eat?  Who is going to the be accountant? How do you get a lawyer? Who are the business contacts? Do I need to quit my job?

We worked hard to piece together the puzzle my father left behind which consisted of multiple businesses in various stages, business partners that didn’t know how to help, accountants that were out of commission, lawyers that were unavailable.  Any roadblocks you could imagine, we were hit with them.  Worst of all was that when he passed away the Canadian Estate laws changed so lawyers kept telling us to wait while they were figuring out  the new system while I just wanted the whole thing sorted out immediately so I can hit the play button on my life and get back to normal.

After many late nights looking through papers, sitting in an office and arguing with people about how they are using excel incorrectly, meetings with bankers, lawyers and accountants, confronting people we didn’t know, waiting in the rain to meet with some uncle who might know something about a piece of the puzzle we were able put things together.

It was his birthday recently, so my mind wandered to that previous stage where it felt like someone gave you all the pieces of a puzzle without giving you what the end picture should look like.  Because it was his birthday I decided to take a picture of his family.  He would’ve loved to be in this picture; I’m sure he would be making a face and I would be annoyed at him, I would roll my eyes at him and I would say ‘Dad, just smile’.    And having gotten the attention from me and watching me rolling my eyes he would have smiled.